A WINTER'S
TALE
BY: THE BARD
Chapter Nine
Out of the Darkness
Lady Jaye shifted awkwardly in her chair in a futile attempt to get more comfortable. Doc had warned her to rest a bit longer before she attempted to get out of bed, but as usual she had decided that she knew best.
So now here she was, stuck in the big chair near the window desperately trying to catch her breath and lacking the strength to get back to the bed.
It was amazing how weak she was.
The pain from the gashes in her arm and shoulder she could deal with, although it irked her that it will be a while before she is be able to lift a javelin much less throw one.
The overwhelming exhaustion, the light-headedness, the never-ending struggle to get air into her lungs…that was another story altogether. It was the first time in years that she had felt this helpless and she hated it.
Doc had explained the extent of her injuries when she had regained consciousness three days ago. Translated from med-speak, the long and the short of it was that her lungs had been badly damaged and she had lost a lot of blood when Storm Shadow’s dagger had hit her heart.
She had nearly died.
She closed her eyes and drew her legs up onto the chair, curling herself into a comforting ball as she remembered those last words…as she tried to keep the disappointment from her heart.
It scared her…how easy it would have been to let go…how much she wished she had.
She looked through the window at the base laid out before her. They had moved her from the hospital almost as soon as they were able to take her off life support and out of the icu, transporting her by military ambulance to the infirmary at the PIT.
She held no illusions that Hawk had done this for her well being…deciding that she would be better off among her friends.
The absent general had moved her to keep her from running.
For all intents and purposes she was under house arrest. She had disobeyed orders, gone AWOL, put the entire team in danger while she recklessly pursued her own personal agenda. There was no guard at the door, but she was sure that was going to change as soon as Doc pronounced her well enough to get around on her own.
The MPs would be here as soon as Hawk returned from Europe.
“You deserve it, you fool…” she thought to herself.
She knew what she was getting into the night she decided to throw everything away and finish what she had begun so long ago. She was aware of the consequences.
It had been a price she was willing to pay had she succeeded.
But she hadn’t, had she?
Now even the peace of death was denied her.
God, she was so tired of playing the cheery, strong, friendly girl. She was so tired of being Lady Jaye.
So many people had come through her room since she had regained consciousness. They all looked so happy and relieved to see her well…it broke her heart. How could she let them know that she would have gladly pulled the plug and let go? Even the wise little voice in the back of her head that kept repeating that these people loved her and wanted her to get well was overwhelmed by the dark cloud that had surrounded her since she opened her eyes.
Her fellow Joes knew her story now…but how could they even begin to fathom the turmoil in her heart that threatened to rip her apart…and the one person who would, the one person who knew her as Alison, was no where to be found.
She had been awake for three days and he hadn’t so much as called.
“You ended it…remember?”
But despite that she had expected him to be sitting by her bed when she awoke. After everything they had been though together…despite their differences lately…despite everything…She was still clinging to the hope that he would be there to hold her up. To guide her through the darkness.
“Its too much to ask…” she whispered to herself.
It was too much to ask anyone…
To top it off she had betrayed his trust. No wonder he had run. Even friends have their limits.
And now he had been suspended.
Flint must be furious. His job was everything to him...he had worked his whole life to reach the position he held and now it was in jeopardy.
She wasn’t sure what people knew and what they didn’t so she had decided to play it safe…she didn’t ask after him lest she make the situation worse than it probably already was. She didn’t even question Duke about the suspension when he came to visit her every day before he went on duty.
She snapped at him this morning, telling him snidely that he needn’t come so often, that she wasn’t about to take off on him. The sergeant had frowned then.
“Is that what you think?”
“Come on, Duke…I know that Hawk is going to hang me. I am ready to take my punishment like a big girl.”
“Get over yourself, Lady Jaye…I’m here as your friend, not your CO.”
She had the sense to look ashamed at her outburst. “I’m sorry…it’s just…”
“Hey, don’t talk…its ok” He took her hand as she struggled for air…to get the words out of her mouth. Damn her lungs.
“And besides…I promised a friend I would watch over you…”
Before she had had a chance to catch her breath and ask what that was supposed to mean he had escaped through the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
Lady Jaye turned away from the windows and closed her eyes.
“Watch over me…”
The words echoed in her head as the images began taking shape in her mind. She felt herself shiver as she remembered the dream. The vision she had had while in her coma.
She had been walking along the beach towards her house. It was a typical summer day on the Vineyard, sunny and warm with a cool breeze blowing off the water. Dashiell was with her. He was holding her hand and they were smiling…laughing…about what
she didn’t know.
As she neared the edge of her expansive property her breath had caught in her throat. They were there. They were waiting for her. Her heart leapt for joy and she rushed forward to greet them. Her parents. Her brother…
Her family.
She stopped when she realized that Flint was no longer at her side and looked back to find him standing at the edge of the lawn where the grass met the sand.
“Come on Dash, they are waiting for us!”
“I can go no further, Alison. I can’t follow where you are going.” He looked so sad. “Come back to me.”
“I don’t understand, Flint…” but before he could answer he disappeared and the scene shifted. She was standing in front to the gates to her home. She hasn’t been here since before her parents died. She hadn’t had the heart. She hadn’t had the courage.
She looked up and on the other side, just beyond her reach, was her family.
“Mom, Dad…open the gate. I’m home.”
“No can do, sis...” She turned to see Robert was walking towards her, a big grin on her brother’s face. “You don’t belong here.”
“Can-it, Rob…that’s not funny. This is my home too.” She turned to look past him towards her parents, who where making their way into the house.
“Mom…DADDY…wait for me! Let me in”
“Go home Alison…” she heard her father cry from the door.
“I AM HOME!” her voice was desperate now…she was afraid. She was going to be left alone again. They were leaving her again.
“You have never been alone,” her brother whispered as he walked off towards the house, “We have been watching over you. We are always at your side.”
She was crying now, pounding on the gates. “I know I failed you. Please…I tried. I want to come home. It hurts so much…I want to it all to stop…”
“Ali, sweetheart…” her mother’s soft voice in her ear, “its up to you to make it stop.”
“Mommy, please…don’t leave me. Let me come home….”
“Its not time yet, honey…” her voice was fading…the image of the house was fading…
“NOOOOOO!”
“Go back, Alison.” Her father’s voice, “There are people who need you…there is someone waiting for you.”
“Daddy…” she moaned.
“Hey, sis…” her brother’s voice echoed through the darkness, “You’ll be fine. We’ll be here waiting when the time finally comes. In the meantime, live the life I was denied, have the family I can never have…the children…the grandchildren. You have so much to look forward too. Don’t throw it all away.”
“Please don’t leave me…” she whispered as the darkness surrounded her.
She woke up soon after that, to the harsh light and piercing silence of the hospital room. Alone.
Always alone.
It was a dream…but it seemed so real.
It was a dream…but the pain and loss was now as fresh as the day the police had shown up at her apartment in Dublin to deliver the bad news.
Lady Jaye brought her hands up to rub her eyes, wiping away the tears that were beginning to form. She tried to take a deep breath to steel her nerves but ended up doubled over in a fit of coughing that threatened to tear open her stitches.
Suddenly, she felt a hand on her back and turned to find Flint standing over her, his face a study in concern.
“Here, drink this…it will help the cough.” She didn’t have the energy to protest, just took the proffered glass of red liquid and drained it quickly. Slowly, she felt herself breath again…raggedly…but at least without coughing.
“Ugh…” she wheezed, “ That was awful!”
He smiled and sat down on the arm of the chair. “Yeah…Doc told me to make sure you didn’t spit it down the sink like last time.”
They sat in silence for a moment, staring at each other, neither of them quite sure of what to say. She wanted to ask him where he had been. She wanted to scream at him for not being there. She wanted to apologize for what she had done.
She wanted to hit him.
She wanted to grab him and hold him and never let go.
He was the first to look away.
“I almost forgot…” he pulled out the bag that he had dropped on the floor at his side, handing it too her gently “I brought you something…”
She opened it quickly and smiled at what she saw inside.
“I figured you would be sick of the food in here by now…”
It was her favorite. A sushi special from Nobu all to herself…if there was one thing Flint hated more than fish it was raw fish.
“You mean you went into the restaurant without passing out?” he smiled as she ripped open the container and slowly began to eat what was inside. He always knew exactly what to do to cheer her up.
Neither of them spoke. As she ate she watched him, studying him closely for the first time since he arrived. He looked exhausted. His face was drawn and his eyes were red. What had happened to him? Was it the suspension?
Talk to me Dashiell.
1 I can’t follow where you are going…
She stopped eating and stared back out the window. There was so much she wanted to say but she had lost that right when she went off on her own in Alaska.
He had lost the right to hear what she had to say when he threw her to the dogs to save his career.
“Alison…” his voice was barely a whisper, strained…his hand brushing her cheek. She didn’t look up. She couldn’t look up.
He stood up and grabbed her fleece pullover, taking her gently by the elbow as he did.
“Come with me…”
“Flint…I can’t…I am too…” she protested weakly. She could hardly make it around the room.
“Come…I’ll help you.”
His eyes begged her to follow. He held out his hand held out for her to take.
Come back to me.
Silently, she took his hand.
************************************************************************
She was as light as a feather on his arm. So delicate. So Frail. So unlike the woman he had fought alongside for almost two years.
When he had first seen her he was ready to leap for joy. She was alive. She was out of bed. Even after Duke had told him over the radio that she was going to be ok, a part of him still wouldn’t let himself believe it until he saw her with his own eyes.
He had spoken briefly with Doc before coming to her room. The doctor had told him that she was recovering quickly, but it would take time for her to heal…to regain her strength.
But one look in her eyes and he knew that there was one wound that was still open. One injury that was threatening to kill her as sure as any knife wound. He knew then what he must do.
It took them forever to make their way out of the infirmary and across the base towards their destination as he had to stop every so often to let her catch her breath. He had offered to carry her but at the suggestion she stood up straight and glared at him, her face a mask of pride as she let go of his arm and stumbled forward, nearly falling before he caught her and pulled her up.
“Ok, ok…just take my arm then.” It was so typical of her…go off on her own without thinking. That was what nearly got her killed in the first place.
Why didn’t she let him help her? Why didn’t she trust him anymore?
“Because you never gave her reason to, Faireborn.” He thought to himself, “Why should she continue to give herself to you if you continually refuse to make the same sacrifices for her?”
He squeezed her arm gently to reassure her as she stopped again to rest.
That was all going to change. Except that he hadn’t been able to say what he had been meaning to say. He had just fed her and stared while she ate. The words were stuck in his throat. He was never any good at verbalizing these things…
He paused as they reached their destination.
He was a man of action.
Flint swung the door open and led her towards the small desk in the middle of the room. At the sound a large German Shepherd had leapt up from his place at the foot of the desk to investigate while his owner rose from his chair to salute.
“Sir!”
“At ease, Law.” Despite the suspension he still held his rank, “Is he here?”
“He is secure, sir.”
“OK…Listen. I need you to make yourself scarce for a little while.” Law looked at him in confusion, then over at the woman on his arm, then back to him. He nodded.
“Yes, sir.”
“Anything that happens here this afternoon is my responsibility, not yours.”
“I understand, sir.”
Lady Jaye shivered beside him and he drew her closer. Law looked at them oddly as he walked by but didn’t say a word. He merely called his dog, saluted, and left.
“Come…”
She followed him past the desk as he keyed in his access code. This was a restricted area and he was a bit concerned that his password would no longer work since technically he was suspended from duty. He held his breath and exhaled in relief as the console beeped and the door unlocked.
The room was dark and cold, bare of even the most minimal piece of furniture. Barred cells lined the far wall…all empty except for one.
He felt her tense at his side.
She had seen him.
Suddenly she lurched forward, heading for the cell, and he followed behind…he didn’t need him to hold her up now. Her hate was fueling her. He could feel it radiating from her body.
“Ah…visssiiitooors…” Cobra Commander stood up to face them, not quite recognizing who it was in the dim light. He was filthy…his uniform torn. He smelled of stagnant water and his hands were bloody…but the eyes under the hood were sharp.
Mad.
“Ah…Flint…Have you brought me my lawyer? How good of you too…” Flint watched as he recognized the figure in front of him, his eyes flashing fear as he saw the expression on her face.
“You! It issss not possible…” he fell backwards as she continued to glare at him, “You are dead…”
Flint ignored him, merely put a hand on her shoulder. She turned back to him, her face questioning as he placed something in her hands.
A gun.
“I keep my promises…”
Her eyes narrowed as she looked at the gun and then back at him, her fingers tightening around the grip.
“AAAGHHH!” Cobra Commander was screaming in fear now “Are you insane…what about my rights as a prisoner of war…what about the Geneva Convention…”
He blocked him out as he watched her raise the gun…her face stone cold. She stood there, her finger on the trigger as he stepped back to let her do what needed to be done.
It was all he had to give her now. It was the only thing he could think of to save her. He just hoped he was right…
Then it happened.
Slowly, carefully, Lady Jaye lowered the gun.
She stood facing her enemy for a moment before turning and walking swiftly out of the room.
“That Joe bitch is crazy!” the prisoner screeched as he watched her walk away.
At the sound of his voice Flint flew at the bars, grabbing the commander by the shirt before he had a chance to escape, smashing him against the bars.
“You are lucky she’s alive, Bastard.” He snarled, “’Cause if she had died I would have made you wish she had been the one pulling the trigger.”
He threw him back against the wall before turning to catch up with Jaye.
It was time.
************************************************************************
Lady Jaye clutched the tree outside the brig for dear life, trying to draw breath into her burning lungs. Trying to remain standing.
It had taken every ounce of her remaining strength to walk out of that building. The abhorrence and hate that had instilled her with energy was gone but damned if she was going to let her enemy see her fall.
She began to shake as she thought of him sitting inside that cell. After all this time…after all her years spent hunting him…she finally had him in her sights…but she couldn’t pull the trigger.
She had killed men before. It was nothing new. She had once broken a man’s neck with her bare hands.
But it had always been in the heat of battle…or on a mission against the enemy where the rule was always ‘kill or be killed’.
But pointing a loaded gun at an unarmed man who had no chance of escape…
No matter who it was, no matter what Cobra Commander had done to deserve it…no matter how much she wanted to…she couldn’t. For the first time in six years her hate was overpowered by her conscience.
“Its not going to bring them back, is it?” she asked the question aloud, feeling his quiet presence behind her, knowing he was there without even having to look up.
“No…its not.” He whispered softly.
“And its not going to stop the killing. Its not going to destroy the organization he built.” She continued, her breath coming out in short gasps.
“No.”
Flint had done this for her. She now knew where he had been while she sat recovering in the hospital. He was out hunting…he had brought her what she wanted. He had risked his life for her all encompassing need for revenge. He had gone against everything he believed in to bring him to her. To hand her the gun…
“It’s time to let go of the hate, Alison…its time to heal…”
She felt the tears well up in her eyes as his hand brushed her hair.
Its up to you to make it stop...
“Dash…I can’t…”
“You can, sweetheart…you have to or it will end up killing you. For god’s sake it nearly did!” He pulled her around to face him, his eyes completely open. “And it still might. I can see it in your eyes…you aren’t *here*.”
Don’t throw it all away…
“You don’t understand…it‘s been so long,” her works were a ragged whisper, “It is who I am. I don’t know if I have the strength left to fight it…I want peace.”
There is someone waiting for you.
“I’ll be there…you don’t have to do this alone.”
“I can’t ask you to…”
She felt him squeeze her arms roughly and looked up to see…tears?
“Why do you insist on doing everything on your own. When you ran off in Alaska…” he stopped and closed his eyes struggling to find the words, “…I would have gone with you, Ali…”
“Would you? You made it very clear to me that your priorities lay elsewhere” she wheezed. She was getting upset and she was feeling ill now. She needed to get away. She didn’t want to face the disappointment…
“I never said…”
“You don’t have to say anything Flint…I can feel it…”
“You were wrong!”
“Was I?” She needed to resolve this…she needed to know.
“Damn it! I would have gone…” his voice rose as tears began to fall from his eyes “…no matter my feelings on the your obsession with revenge, no matter what it cost my career. For Christ’s sake…not being there nearly cost me the thing that I treasure most.”
“I…you…” Stop crying, Ali…stop it now.
They stood there for a long time…both stunned by the revelation. Thank god the base was quiet because anyone who passed at that moment would have been treated to an odd sight. The graceful and agile Lady Jaye barely able to stand. The strong, silent, ‘tough as nails’ Flint crying and holding on to her for dear life.
She smiled at the thought. It was the first time she had smiled in genuine pleasure since she woke up from her coma.
Flint wiped his eyes, as if embarrassed by the outburst.
“What’s so funny, Corporal?”
“Oh…us…” she whispered as she brought her hand up to his cheek to wipe away a tear.
“We do make quite the pair, don’t we?” he chuckled as he drew her into his arms.
She pressed herself against his body, reveling in the comforting embrace as the dark veil that had surrounded her began to lift ever so slightly.
“Dash…I need to tell you…” she started but was interrupted by a fit of coughing that tore at her lungs.
“Shhhh…you can tell me later.” he picked her up gently and this time she did not protest. “Lets get you back to the infirmary before Doc has my head.”
She rested her head against his shoulder as he slowly carried her across the base. The rocking motion was making her sleepy. The sound of his breathing, the beat of his heart…
Just before she surrendered to exhaustion she heard his voice in her ear.
“Don’t EVER doubt that I love you more than this damn uniform, Alison Hart- Burnett…”he whispered, “Don’t ever doubt that I love you.”
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