August 12th

We made it…barely.

I am sitting in the back of a transport chopper en route to the USS Flagg. I am utterly exhausted, but feeling better than I had when we took off.

The last 24hrs have gone by in a blur.

Hawk and I had made it to the train and were about to board when we were both captured by Borovian Secret Police. I tried to tell them we were just passing through, that we posed no threat and were not here to get involved in their internal conflict.

I got the butt of a gun to the head for my troubles.

Hawk got a bullet in the chest.

When I regained consciousness I took a moment to orient myself and assess the situation before realizing that I had to get Hawk out of here or he was going to die. With that decision my brain shut off and I went into survival mode.

I don’t know how I managed to do it, but I fought my way out of my captor’s grip and got my hands on a weapon. Slinging the General over my shoulder I ran, the adrenaline was pumping hard as I shoot down the enemy left right and center. I knew I couldn’t keep it up, Hawk was heavy and dropping in and out of consciousness…and I was vastly outnumbered.

Things were not looking good, but I knew that they would have to kill me before I would give up. I would give my life to protect the man I was carrying, and I know he would have done the same if the roles were reversed. I went on about being scared that I was making the wrong decisions and putting the people I work with in peril, frightened that I will be unable to perform …but I have NEVER been afraid to die for my friends, my team, my country.

It didn’t come to that, though. As luck would have it, we managed to find help from an unlikely source.

A woman named Magda and a character named White Clown…both Borovian freedom fighters…led us to an old stadium where we were able to rendezvous with the other Joes. If it wasn’t for their help, we would both be dead.

I stood strong as the medic took the injured general…I calmly thanked the Borovian’s for their help and accepted the praise of my teammates with a smile.

But the minute I was alone on the helicopter, the minute I knew that Hawk was ok…I collapsed in a ball of quiet tears. The stress of the incident had finally broken through the barriers I built up in my head. I shook myself to sleep, waking up a few hours later when Wild Bill came to hand me the Satellite phone.

It was Flint…who was back at the PIT and who was no doubt waiting for news, worried when he found out that my team was missing. How do I know? Because I have experienced his anxiety over me first hand.

It was the first time I had ever seen Flint lose it.

I was shot in a botched hostage situation in Iowa. The bullet didn’t do anything but break some ribs and leave a huge bruise thanks to a bulletproof vest (an article of clothing that has saved my life once before I might add). Thank goodness Roadblock was there when he arrived at the infirmary or he would have plowed down every nurse and doctor in the hallway in his rush to get to me. I heard the commotion from my bed in the triage unit…and I have to tell you it was really quite funny…I would have laughed had it not hurt so much to even breath.

When he finally reached my side and realized I was ok, he quickly pulled himself together and began to tease me in his usual fashion…but it was too late. I had already seen through the barrier…I had already seen the terror in his eyes.

Nevertheless, anyone listening into our conversation just now would be hard pressed to find even a tremor in his voice to indicate his fear. To someone who didn’t know him…who didn’t learn through the years to read more deeply into what he says…it would have seemed like he was unconcerned.

Here are some snippets of our conversation…complete with translation from ‘Flint’ speak.

“I hear you got yourself into trouble again Jaye…typical”

Translation: I was really worried.

“A bump in the head eh? Might knock some sense into you.”

Translation: Are you sure you’re all right?

“I leave you alone for a couple of weeks and look what happened.”

Translation: I missed you.

“I wish I was there. I would have kicked some Borovian ass…”

Translation: If anyone so much as touched you, I will kill them.

That’s Flint for you…nothing if not direct when it comes to his feelings for me. Sigh*

Remember I mentioned that whole ‘thing’ that was coming between us?

Well…this is it.

I know we both agreed in the beginning to keep things loose. No commitments, nothing serious…but after, how long has it been? God almost 4 years…I need more. I want more. I know it’s unfair to change the rules midway through the game but enough was enough. I tried to deny it for a while, tried to continue along the way things were, but then it hit me right between the eyes in New York.

We were visiting Scarlett, who was lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life when Snakes went nuts and tried to take a swing at the doctor. Flint and I barely managed to get him outside to cool off…a grief stricken Ninja is not the easiest person to handle. He and Scarlett are very close, seeing her like that must have killed him.

In any case, always one to keep his mouth shut…NOT…Flint started lecturing Snakes on moving on…blah blah blah…never regretting all the ‘should have dones’ like telling her how much you loved her.

Well…when I heard ‘love’ come out of his mouth I froze. I realized then that I had never heard him say that word before…at least not in reference to me, and hearing it even in such a roundabout way opened the floodgates. The pent up feelings for him began to overwhelm me. I hadn’t felt this way about anyone since Shawn…and yet this was more intense than anything I had experienced with the Irish scholar.

I knew right then and there that I was in love with Flint…and it frightened me.

There...I said it...I'm in love with him. That wasn’t so hard…

… Who am I kidding? Yes it was. I guess Flint isn't the only one having trouble with this. Grrrr on me.

Anyhow, Snake Eyes is very skilled at reading body language and I am sure he clued in immediately to what was going on in my mind. He watched my reaction carefully before grabbing Flint by the shoulders and swinging him around to face me before walking off into the night.

I smiled and tried to hide my anxiety with a quip about ‘practicing what you preach’. But as we stood staring at each other in silence for what seemed like an eternity, I saw his eyes flicker in understanding and then soften. I could no longer mask my feelings…I was sure he was going to say something. I was sure he felt the same way.

So I waited quietly for the words to come from him. I didn’t want to be the first to pour out my heart. I didn’t want to risk the possible humiliation…the hurt.

It’s a good thing I didn’t too, because as quickly as it had come it was gone. Flint had turned and made some mumbled comment about crazy ninjas, gesturing for me to follow him back into the hospital.

If I wasn’t so completely discombobulated myself over the whole incident I probably would have walked off in a huff. As it was I was still reeling over my own self-revelation and could do nothing but follow him in silence.

Nevertheless, the seed was planted…nothing has been the same since. And if this didn’t lead directly to the incident in Sierra Gordo with Gorky I don’t know what did…

My Aunt Sarah…who was probably the closest thing I had to a source of maternal warmth in my family…once told me that you should never go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. You should accept the person as who they are and if you don’t like it, move on.

You cannot change a man to suit your needs. It is as unfair to them as it is to you. You would not want someone to pursue you only to find out they didn’t like your hobbies, friends, hair…and wanted you to change. Why do it to someone else?

She also used to say that no one was perfect…just learn what you can and cannot live with and love them for who they are. If you can’t do that then you had better rethink your entire relationship.

Do I want to change him? There are things that really irk me about him, his big mouth is high on the list…but for the most part he really is an amazing person. Such a complex character…so many layers…so much that you miss if you don’t get past that negative first impression.

Believe me, I know. I nearly did. But that’s a whole other story…

No…I wouldn’t change him even if I could…but I do want something from him. Something that I fear will never happen and I will be forced to repeat the agony that I went through when I left Ireland so many years ago.

I want him to let me in.

I can’t talk about this anymore. I’m too tired and I’m not thinking straight. In any case, it looks as though we are nearing the carrier.

Yes…I see it.

I had better go and sit with Hawk for a while. He is conscious and stable…although far from perfect. The medics have taken good care of him on the flight, but I am still worried. I will only stop once I know he is safe on board that carrier and sleeping in the infirmary.

Stalker and Wild Bill say I am going to get a medal for this. I don’t really care though…all I want right now is a warm dry bed and Hawk back to his old self, shouting orders in my ear.

Deep down, I admit…I’m kind of proud of myself.

______________________________________________________

On toNext Entry!
Back to The Bard's Fics!
Back to Authors Page!