JOURNEY'S END
BY: THE BARD

Chapter Two
Confessions

   Alison sat back and sipped her wine, listening to another of Shipwreck's tall tales of life on the high seas. They had finished up the long meeting with Hawk and had all decided to go out for a late dinner.

They had turned to Roadblock for suggestions, and he had pulled a hat trick. Not only did he pick a lovely restaurant...Trattoria D'el Arte across from Carnegie Hall...but had got them all in despite not having reservations for the busy Friday night. Apparently, the chef owed him a favor. Which meant dinner on the house!

Truth be told, she hadn't really wanted to come. She had returned to her hotel room to shower and change and had collapsed on the bed in exhaustion. The drive, combined with the emotional trauma of seeing Flint again had drained her. In fact, had Scarlet not pushed her she probably would have declined.

"Come on, Jaye...we have got to catch up! I haven't heard a peep from you in a long time. I was beginning to feel neglected."

Red understood her qualms, but also knew that she was too strong a person to hide from anything. She was among friends, and deep down she knew it. In any case, they would all be working together quite closely for a while, she had better get used to being around him again.

From what Hawk had told them, it seemed that the CIA had spotted the twins and Zartan during a regular surveillance run in some remote part of South America. According to the information Flint had been able to gather, they had met with the leader of one of the area's most powerful drug cartels...a man known simply as Culebra.

"Snake" Jaye piped in immediately...her language skills still quite extraordinary, although this was a relatively easy translation.

"Exactly..." this from Duke. "We have a feeling our old enemy is trying his hand at a new business venture"

"Not to mention the fact that the weapons the CIA have been able to intercept before it reached the compound have all come from a familiar source...MARS" Hawk continued, as Flint dropped a package of what looked like flour onto the table. The mark on the package was unmistakable.

A Cobra.

"So they've given up on 'trying to take over the world' " Roadblock growled.

Shipwreck frowned "It isn't like the Commander. Too low key. He likes the spotlight..."

"Agreed." This from Flint, "Which is why we suspect there is more to this operation than meets the eye."

They had been called in to investigate further and when appropriate, destroy the operation once and for all.

Her salad had arrived. She laughed a genuine laugh as Roadblock brought up some old 'Joe' cafeteria stories from back in the beginning. Oh, those were good times. Some of the best of her life. Unconsciously, she turned to the man sitting at the other end of the table. The man she had shared those years with. The man who had shared her life, her bed and her heart.

She caught him looking at her, and although he turned away quickly...she had time to notice the slight smile on his face. They had barely spoken two words since noon, although she couldn't help but notice how he kept looking at her when he thought her attention was elsewhere.

He had changed and was dressed in a pair of black pants and a black turtleneck with a thick splash of charcoal gray across the front. The sunglasses were gone and she caught a glimpse of his eyes...they were soft and tinged with sadness. He sat quietly, engaged in a conversation with Duke, sipping on a Perrier. He had turned his wine glass around almost immediately after sitting down.

So Shipwreck had been telling her the truth last year. Dash had sworn off alcohol. Not that he had ever been a huge drinker while she knew him. Not anymore than anyone else in the Joes...herself included. She remembered a couple of times after a night on leave when she had to go on early morning duty with a very VERY bad hangover.

However, according to some not so subtle hints from Scarlet, Flint had gone over the edge after she had left. She had tried to sound non-chalant about it when she heard, but inside it killed her to hear it.

In spite of a rocky start, it was a wonderful relationship. Sure, it had its moments. Flint had the ego the size of a Sherman tank and was quick to jealous sulks. In the case of the latter she had to admit she egged him on, especially that time with Gorky. She was just so annoyed with him for even thinking that she might be interested in the blond Red October operative. For pete's sake, she had been with Flint for so long at that point, she had fallen for him so hard, how could he even imagine she would be interested in someone else?

She hadn't meant to fall in love with him. She eventually gave in to his overt pursuits, but she felt it would probably be a quick fling. What she had not expected was that the gruff, exasperating Warrant Officer had turned out to be one of the most gentle, intelligent, caring men she had ever met. As they began to spend more and more time together, he had shown her more and more of his 'private' persona. The quiet man behind the mighty soldier.

"God...I loved him." She thought to herself as she took a bite of her meal. She had never felt so strongly about any man before...And after, for that matter. Sure she had 'been' with other men...but nothing long term. Nothing 'serious'. Her friends bugged her about it all the time...mid thirties and still a singleton...and she even started doubting her own sanity.

Was she comparing everyone to him? Probably. But more likely she still hadn't recovered from the breakup. From the terrible events that lead up to it.

She had tried to help him. She tried to understand...but he had pushed her away. The image of him the last time she saw him flashed through her mind.

"If you are trying to appeal to my heart, don't bother. I don't feel anything for you. Nothing. You are just someone who kept my bed warm."

"You are lying Flint...why are you doing this? What did I do..."Her voice began to break...she tried to regain control...she never cried. At least not in front of anyone, not even him.

"Don't you have somewhere you have to be?" Flint gestured that she should leave his office.

"If I leave now, I am not coming back..."

Flint stopped and stared at her, eyes revealing nothing. "Good...you aren't cut out for this work anymore. I was going to team up with someone else soon anyways."

Anger seized her then. How dare he say such a thing, after everything they had gone through together these past 6 years...all the battles with COBRA. She couldn't control herself, she took a swing....

Which he caught easily and deftly twisted her arm until she submitted.

"Bang...your dead." He said matter-of fact, "As I was saying...you aren't cut out for this anymore."

He let go and she scrambled to the other side of the room...for the first time in her life afraid of the man standing in the room with her.

Tears streamed out of her eyes..."Who are you? You are not the man I knew...you are not the man I love..."

For an instant she saw a look of horror and grief pass across his face as he saw the tears. She grabbed the opportunity...

"Flint, what happened out there...that time...it wasn't your fault...you have too..."

His face contorted with rage.

"DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED OUT THERE! You weren't there. You don't know..."

"Flint...please"

"If you saw me as anyone else you were deluding yourself. I am a soldier, a killer. What you see is what you get..." he turned away from her.

"Now go..."

"No. Tell me you never felt anything for me...say it to my face."

"GO..."

"I mean it Flint..if I leave now it's over between us."

He didn't turn around...

"Fine...close the door on your way out."

She felt a nudge at her side and turned to see Shipwreck grinning at her from across the table

"Hey...Jaye...are you listening to me?"

"Hmmm? Sorry, I guess I am still tired from the drive..."

"Well, I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight. Hawk is going to put us all through our paces tomorrow. " He was referring to the mandatory 'refresher' course at a base outside of the city. "I was asking you about your love life...cause you KNOW I am available if you are interested."

"Really? " She flashed him a smile, slipping easily into the flirtatious banter the two of them had played at since they first met.

"Oh come on Jaye, you know you've always had a thing for this old sailor. How 'bout you and me go off on our o...OW! Flint, watch it."

"Sorry, my leg must have slipped."

************************************************************************


"Well, Roadblock...an excellent choice as usual", Duke patted his belly as they walked from the restaurant on to the streets, "But still doesn't compare to your own grub!"

"You said it..." Shipwreck patted the big cook on the shoulder "Before this is all over I expect a good ol' fashioned Roadblock BBQ to satisfy my hearty appetite."

Dash held back for a moment as his two friends made their way to corner to catch a cab back to the hotel. He watched as Alison and Shana huddled in front of the restaurant, giggling like schoolgirls.

He sighed. He hadn't been able to form one complete sentence since she first arrived. Why is it that the sight of this woman, who he hadn't seen or talked to in three years, who for all intents and purposes probably despised him, still left him at a loss for words?

It irked him that he still got like this. He had been the one to end it. He should be able to keep his head around her...not the other way around as it was turning out.

"God...I even kicked Shipwreck in the shin for flirting with her", as if he still had some hold on the beautiful, dynamic woman sitting at the end of the table.

"You did what you felt was right at the time," Flint thought to himself, "Its no use trying to change the past."

Despite the fact that until his dying day he will regret that he had let her go, he should not let his emotions get the better of him. He was a professional. This was a job. He shouldn't let things get personal again. That's what got him in the whole mess in the first place.

As if on cue, images of fire and men screaming in fear and pain assailed him. He shook his head to free his mind and the memories dissipated. As the years pass they are coming more infrequently, and are easier to control...but they are still with him.

"Well, I had better start making my way back to the hotel." Jaye was saying to Snakes and Scarlet, "I need sleep...big time."

"You need a lift?"

"Thanks, but no...I'm staying at the Parker Meridian. It's just around the corner. I'll walk."

Before his brain could register what was coming out of his mouth, Flint turned to Jaye and offered to walk her there.

She turned to him, surprise...and then suspicion...clouding her face.

"Its ok, Flint...It's too much trouble. I can make it there on my own."

"Its no trouble at all," he answered while his mind was screaming 'what the heck are you doing...are you nuts?'

She paused, and then nodded her assent.

They made their goodbyes and turned towards the hotel, walking side by side, veiled in an uncomfortable silence.

"Come on, Dash..." he chided himself, "say something. You were with her for years, you used to talk about everything..."

"So...you are living in Canada now?" Yeah...good one...state the obvious.

"Yes...I enjoy it. Montreal is a beautiful city. Small, very European...and the arts and cultural scene are second to none. Well, except maybe here."

"Arts? Did you go back to acting?"

"No, no. I was never really very good at it. Stage fright, don't you know. I decided after a year of travel with some old friends to batten down and complete my Phd."

He looked over at her in surprise, and approval. He had always encouraged her to consider going for a higher degree. She had such a quick mind, and despite his own abandonment of academia, he still missed his university days at Oxford and the intellectual challenges that went with it.

Jaye was one of the first women he had met during his stint in the military that he could match wits with on an equal level. It wasn't that the others weren't smart, though. Scarlet was as sharp as one of Snake Eye's Katanas and Cover Girl was quick on the uptake. Ali, however, was the only one who could counter his analysis of Byron or Yeates without skipping a beat.

He watched the way the streetlights played across her face as she made her way south along W57th. A pleasant memory flashed through his mind of the two of them lying in bed in his quarters above the PIT.

It was early on in their relationship, and she had come over after returning from a patrol only to crash out on his bed, fast asleep before her head even hit the pillow. He had crawled in beside her and had watched her resting form, her face bathed in the moonlight steaming through window. She looked so tranquil, so beautiful...so completely content...he remembered he had bent over to kiss her gently on the cheek and she had smiled in her sleep.

That night, he knew, more than any other was a defining moment for him. What had begun for him as a challenge, a good time, a pleasant source of sexual gratification at that moment became something more. For he had begun to realize that he loved her.

Suddenl, his mind was back in the jungle...screams assailing his ears, the smell of charred flesh assaulting his senses. He looked down at the ground beside him to see Alison lying in the mud, blood streaming from the place where her legs used to be, the side of her face charred and peeling. Her dead eyes looking up at him accusingly.

"And what about you, Flint...what have you been up to, other than the CIA?"

Lady Jaye's question brought him back to the present. He shuddered and breathed in slowly to clear his mind. Hoping that in the dark that she wouldn't notice how pale he had become. God, will it ever stop?

"Ummm...well, after the PIT closed its doors I ended up in New Mexico for a bit before heading over to Boston to take up this position. I have been there ever since."

"New Mexico? What were you up to down there?"

'Healing', he thought to himself...while out loud telling her that he had been visiting a friend, which wasn't really a lie so much as not the entire truth. From the look she gave him he knew she thought he was alluding to another woman.

'Yeah right, Ali', he thought sadly, 'as if anyone could ever take your place so quickly.' Or ever, it seemed. For here he was coming on forty and still running around like a rowdy bachelor.

She stopped suddenly and he realized that they had reached their destination. They stared at each other in silence, unsure of what to say or do.

"Well...I had better get a cab back to the hotel. I have a flight back to Boston to catch tomorrow."

"Boston?"

Was that a look of disappointment or relief that swept across her face? Probably relief. It hurt him more than he would like to admit. He hardened his voice unconsciously.

"Don't look so relieved. I have some things to take care of and don't really need the skills evaluation, as I have never really left the 'business'. "

She didn't react well to his tone.

"What do you expect from me, Dashiell? Did you expect me to still be pinning over you after all this time? After what you said? After what you did to me?"

"You were the one who left..." he countered, his pride taking over despite knowing the truth full well, which she was probably going to remind him...

"YOU pushed me away", sure enough, there it was. Jaye was getting angry, her Gaelic lilt was becoming more and more apparent.

"Look, I didn't come here to fight with you!"

"Really...then why did you come? Did you not think I could handle myself on the rough streets of NY at night?" her biting sarcasm, never before directed at him, cut through him like a knife.

Why did he come with her? He wasn't sure himself...

"You know what, I don't need this crap." He snarled in frustration as he turned and hailed a cab.

'Fine by me." She glared at him, "Jordan was right, I must have been crazy to come down here in the first place. This part of my life is over."

Jealousy flared hot and sharp in his mind. Who was Jordan? "Fine...then go back to Jordan and leave us do our work."

"Oh...you would love that wouldn't you. That would just confirm everything you said ...that I am not cut out for this anymore. NO way. I am part of this, I am a Joe, whether you like it or not."

"That remains to be seen..." Shut up, you fool...shut up!

Her face turned red with anger.

"Don't you think you should be asking yourself that same question, given your own record as a commander..." she shut her mouth suddenly, her face falling as she realized that, in her anger, she had gone over into forbidden territory.

He stared back at her, at a loss for words.

"Hey mister...you hail a cab or what?" He paused for a moment, watching her expression change from anger to remorse, to anger...waiting for the backlash of rage from him that she probably remembered quite clearly.

He turned from her, got into the cab and slammed the door.

"You ok, buddy?" the cab driver asked, looking at him from his rearview mirror as he pulled the car into traffic.

He didn't answer, he had turned to look at LJ only to find her already disappearing into the hotel.

"Damn it!"

"I hear you man...Woman can do that to a guy!" the cab driver smiled, startling him. He hadn't realized he had said it out loud. "Where to?"

For an instant, just an instant, he wanted to tell him to drop him off at the nearest pub. He quashed the idea as quickly as it came. He was beyond that now...

"Four Seasons, please."

He sat back and closed his eyes.

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Continued in Chapter Three!
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