The Last Good-bye
By: Amy "AnnieO" Hanna

“... Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried.
Thus may the Lord do to me, and worse, if anything *but* death parts you and me”
Ruth 117
************************************

  Silent. Aside from the soft tapping of a gentle rain on the clear windowpanes. Little light entered the room aside from the tender glow of a candle. He stood watching as the rain fell to the ground, his mind caught in the inner battle with his emotions. *SuperTroopers get angry and mad.* He told himself. *And that’s as emotional as we get...* He sighed and glanced down as a soft cry caught his attention. “I know,” He tenderly stroked his daughter cheek. “I’m lying to myself, but I don’t know what else to do.” He smiled as her tiny fingers curled around his. In his mind he could still hear her voice, feel her fingers as they slowly fell from his, see her eyes and the light that left them.

  *Take care of them Shane...I love you.*

  *Love?* He glanced back out at the rain. *We get angry and mad...I’m still learning.* Behind him he could hear the soft shuffle of feet and knew that he needed to tuck his own emotions down into his mind. He had others who needed him now.

  “Daddy?” Goose turned from the falling rain and faced his children. Each one a reminder of her. Each one a jolt of pain to his heart. “Why isn’t Mom coming back?” Nick, his eldest asked.

  Goose mentally winced at the question as he lowered himself into one of the chairs in the dark room. A tender sigh caused him to look down in time to see a flash of emerald green eyes. He looked back up at his sons still standing in the doorway. Nick, at eight, trying so hard not to let his younger brothers see how scared he really was. The twins, Caleb and Joseph, lost and confused without Niko, but trying hard to emulate their older brother. Zach, only five, to young to understand, but old enough to know that someone was missing. He glanced down at the bundle in his arms. And Arhya, to start life with death. To never have the chance to know...*God, I can already see you in her Niko.* He looked over as he felt a gentle tug on his arm.

  “Want Mommy.” Zach’s dark brown eyes looked up into Goose’s green, begging him to make the impossible...possible. “Daddy, where’s Mommy.”

  *Take care of them...*

  He closed his eyes for a moment to get a hold of the emotional tidal wave that was washing over him. When he opened them, the boys were sitting...waiting...hoping...*Niko, I don’t know if I can do this.* “Your Mom had to go away.”

  “Why?” Zach’s question was so innocent, but still sent new stabs of pain through Goose.

  “Well,” Goose fought to find the words. “Zach, sometimes...”

  “It’s her fault.”

  Goose froze, “What Caleb?” he turned his gaze to the six-year old.

  He pointed to his sister. “It’s her fault.” His blue-green eyes sparkling with tears. “Mommy was fine until she came.”

  “It’s no ones fault Caleb.” Goose quickly reined in his temper. “Sometimes things happen...”

  “It is her fault!” He screamed. “I wish she had died instead!” Goose reached out, but Caleb backed away. “I don’t want a sister! I want my Mommy to come home!” He turned and ran from the room.

  Goose stood frozen to the spot. *Take care of them Shane...*

  *I don’t know how to Niko.*

* * * * * * *

  Zachary Foxx, slowly wandered around the clusters of other guests, making his way to his wife’s side. Of its own accord his mind turned to another day like this one, the only difference was that he had recovered Eliza. He watched as a group of four boys wandered up the stairs, and felt his throat close up.

  “Zach?” He turned and saw Eliza coming up beside him. “Have you talked to Goose?”

  He shook his head, “No, he’s been upstairs with Arhya all day.”

  Eliza’s eyes wandered towards the stairs, “He was there all night too.” She looked back at her husband. “He just stands there and stares out the window.”

  “Maybe I’ll go up and see if he needs any help with the kids.” Zach smiled at his wife and headed for the steps. He was halfway up when Caleb ran smack into him. “Wha...hey easy Caleb.” He tried to sit the boy back on his feet.

  “Let go!” Caleb demanded as he struggled in Zach’s grip.

  Zach winced when Caleb’s foot connected in a delicate spot. “Caleb, calm down.”

  “I hate her! I hate her!” Caleb’s screams brought Eliza quickly running up the stairs to assist her husband.

  She grabbed hold of the boy’s face and forced him to look at her. “Caleb,” she said in an authoritive voice. “I want you to calm down.”

  “NO!” He yelled as loud as he could. “I want my Mom!”

  “Eliza,”

  She glanced up and nodded to Goose, rising to take the baby from him as he gathered Caleb up in his arms. “I’ll get the other boys.”

  Goose nodded and moved back up the stairs. Caleb clutching to him while his sobs racked his little body. He moved back into the dark quiet room, sitting in a rocking chair and holding his son until he felt him relax slightly. “Caleb?”

  The boy looked up, his face streaked with tears. “Why Daddy?”

  *Why Niko? Why did you leave me?*

  Goose wiped away the new tears that fell from his sons eyes, “I don’t know Caleb. Sometimes things happen for no reason.”

  “Was it cause we were bad?”

  He tilted the boys face up and looked him in the eyes. “No, never. Don’t ever think that Caleb. Your Mom loved you.”

  “Then why did she leave us?”

  “All I can tell you Caleb is that it’s no ones fault.” He wiped the boys tear stained face again. “She had to go away, and we have to stay.”

  “Goose...” The ST glanced up and saw Doc standing in the doorway, his usual cheerful face sad. “It’s time.”

  Goose nodded and looked back at his son. “We have to go say good-bye now Caleb.”

* * * * * * * *

  Goose sat in the pew, his eyes glancing about taking in those who had come today. Friends, colleges, and some faces he didn’t know. So many to say good-bye to someone very special. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see an elderly woman standing behind him.

  <She loved you very much you know.>

  He nodded to the woman. “I know Ariel.”

  She squeezed his shoulder and he felt a touch of warmth flow through him. <You are a son to me as she was my daughter. You are welcome in my home if you ever need it.>

  “Thank you,” He watched as the women disappeared. His eyes were drawn to the casket that sat at the front of the room. *Orchids and lavender...* The smell of the flowers flowed back towards him. He felt his chest tighten as memories of the last time he had stood in this church and smelled those scents. She had promised to stay with him forever that day...forever wasn’t that long.

  Commander Joseph Walsh rose, and with tired steps approached the small podium at the front of the room. He had done many of these over his years of military service, but this was the first one that tore him apart inside. She had been like an adopted daughter, just as Zach, Goose, and Doc were like his sons. He cleared his throat before speaking. “We’ve come here today to say good-bye to a very dear friend. I look out at those of you gathered here and know that Niko was well loved as friend, comrade, wife, and mother.” He paused as his voice cracked. “Through out her career she saved hundreds of lives and touched many more in her way. She had a spirit that couldn’t be dimmed no matter what the situation.” His eyes wandered to Goose and the children sitting in the front pew. “ Matthew 54. “Blessed be those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Our thoughts and love are with Shane and the children in this time of loss.” He nodded to Goose and stepped from the podium.

  Slowly the ST rose and made his way to the podium. He looked out at those gathered and then at his children. “For myself and my children thank you all for your support.” He gripped the sides of the podium as if that was all keeping him on his feet, “I tried more than once to write something to say today, but I just ain’t good with words.” He felt splinters from the wood penetrating his skin where his hands gripped the podium. “All I know is that someone special was taken from this world, and that I would do anything to have her back.” He glanced again at his children. “I’m lucky, I have something of her left and I plan to cherish it.” He backed away from the podium and made his way back to the children as Zach, Doc, Commander Walsh, Little Zach, and several other friends moved forward and with gentle hands lifted the casket onto there shoulders and began the slow procession down the aisle and out into the rain.

* * * * * * * *

  Stillness seemed to encompass the small grove that the group now gathered round. The gentle rain falling around them as the preacher stood and spoke. “If you would bow your heads please.” He paused. “James 511 and 13- ‘Behold we count those blessed who have endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcoming of the Lord’s dealings, and that the Lord is full of compassion and *is* merciful. Is there any among you suffering? Let him pray.” He looked about him at the mourners. “We gather here today to commit Niko Gooseman to the ground and thus into the kingdom of our Lord. May those who feel the loss of this remarkable woman be healed with the knowledge of her going home. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Amen.”

  Slowly those around Goose began to move away, each stopping a moment and with either touch or word communicating their sorrow at his loss. He waited until he was alone aside from the children standing at a distance with Zach and Eliza before he knelt before the marble stone. He ran his fingers over the smooth stone, memorizing the inscription

Niko Gooseman
Beloved Mother, Wife, Friend
She will be missed by all who knew her.
********************
- put me a seal upon my heart, like a seal upon your arm,
for love is as strong as death.
song of Solomon 86

  “Well babe,” he whispered. “I don’t know how I am going to do it. I don’t know if I have the strength without you here.”

  “You must have really believed in me Niko, to trust me with them.” He sighed. “I wish I understood more.”

  “You taught me some much. Thank you.”

  “Daddy,” He turned and saw the boys standing there. “We want to say good-bye too.” Nick said, his green eyes tear filled.

  Goose stood, “Say whatever you want boys.” He watched as each said good-bye in there own way, and felt a bit of his heart tore out as he did. *I don’t know how Niko, but I’ll do it right. I swear.*

  *Take care of them Shane...*

  As one they turned and left the silent rain soaked ground. Each leaving a part of themselves there with the woman that had been there lives. Each saying their last good-bye.

  *Take care of them Shane...I love you.*

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