TO BELONG
BY: CROSS-COUNTRY'S GIRL
October...
His foot falls echoed through the cold vastness of the mausoleum as he silently counted rows until he came to the twenty-second one. He stopped, still not sure why he came every year on October 22nd, but for the past two he had. She had been gone three years today.
He squatted down to the bottom row, and fingered the white rose he held in his gloved hand. Looking at the carved granite faceplate that bore her name, he let out a long sigh.
He felt the regrets wash over him, as they did every so often. At first they had been constant, from the moment he woke in the hospital recovering from near-fatal wounds he suffered in the attack to only when he was somehow reminded of her. Standing before where her ashes rested, the sting was always much sharper. He regretted failing her so miserably. He was protecting her, in a supposed safehouse until the Joes could arrange a place for her to begin a new life. She had told them everything she could, giving much needed information to the infrastructure of the Crimson Guardsmen her father led. Nobody, the two of them especially, expected the protector and the protected, to start to fall in love. The wheels had been set in motion the day he rescued her up in the mountains of Virginia, on the run from her Cobra family, seven months pregnant.
She had hated her family’s choice of life, hated her father’s choice for a husband that in the name of marriage all but raped her. Hated even her very name. In the dark of the night, when she miscarried her baby from the dunking in the frigid creek during the struggle with the Cobras sent to fetch her back, he had begun calling her by the initials of her first and middle names.
Most of all, he regretted not seeing what was happening to them, the small ember that had begun to flame when her life was cut short. Often, she would mutter in that time they were together constantly, that he was like ‘getting water from the moon.’ He didn’t realize exactly what she meant until he heard the song on the radio three months too late.
He pulled off his glove and traced a finger over the lettering before placing the rose in the small container on the wall for such a purpose. He had made sure she was taken care of in death, paying for her resting spot, and the faceplate marked her it. The granite bore the last gift he could think to give her. Instead of the name she hated, he had given her his.
A.J. MacBride
He closed his eyes and silently asked her to forgive him for his failure once again before rising and walking out, until next year when he returned.
* * * * *
December...
They looked like five men out shopping for last minutes gifts, dressed in civilian clothes with heavy jackets against the San Francisco weather. The fog was just starting to roll in off the bay as they wandered the shops of the Pier 39.
Mainframe was looking for 49’ers jerseys for his boys, while Cross-Country, after a lot of good-natured teasing from the others, had ducked into a needlework shop to find a cross-stitch kit that his wife had been wanting. Dial-Tone had already raided a toy store for some of the latest video games for his son, but followed Mainframe into the sports store. Lifeline had disappeared into the chocolate store.
It was a week before Christmas, the Joes were being released from their assignment later that week. Some were heading back to home base: Cross-Country was especially antsy to get there, having missed the last Christmas because of duty. His kids were growing up fast, and Christmas was a time not to be missed if at all possible. Dial-Tone was detouring up through Portland to visit his mother and son in two days, joining the group back at base the day after Christmas. Mainframe was resolved to once again talking to his boys on the phone for the strict five minutes each his ex-wife allowed. Lifeline had arranged leave and was flying up to Seattle where his family was.
Low-Light settled against a banister and looked out over San Francisco bay as the others shopped. He had tagged along, usually he was content to stay on post and read, but today he was restless and when Mainframe had mentioned going into the downtown area, he decided to come also. Something was nagging him this year, probably the same thing that nagged at him every year. He had no one to celebrate the holidays with.
His parents were still in North Dakota, and his sister went home every year to spend it with them. Low-Light had told Una under no condition would he ever step into that house again.
He had tried going back once after he had become a Joe, only to be ridiculed and harassed by the father that would never see his son as anything else but a shy wimp not worthy of his affection. Honestly, he did not know how Una put up with their father.
Lisbeth had yet again, invited him to spend it with their family, but Low-Light, even though he was good friends with Cross-Country, felt odd and misplaced in the chaos that was the Blais household. This year, the twins that were born in July multiplied the children by two, and he didn’t want to distract from the ruckus he was sure would be Christmas morning.
He wondered if he would ever feel like he would belong somewhere.
He turned as Cross-Country emerged from the shop, a plain brown paper bag tucked under one arm. He sauntered up to where Low-Light waited, a big grin on his face.
“Nice of them to put it in a plain bag,” Low-Light commented with a smirk.
Cross-Country let that pass. “Found it. She’s been wantin’ this kit fer years. It’ll make a nice stockin’ stuffer for her.” The younger man settled against the rail next to Low-Light, waiting for the others to reappear. “Damn, sure is gettin’ cold.”
Low-Light shrugged. “It’s December. Here comes Jack.”
Dial-Tone pulled the scarf he wore up a bit further on his neck and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. “I need some coffee. How ‘bout you two?”
Cross-Country nodded down towards the street. “There’s a small fish an’ chip bar over there... we prolly could get some coffee there. How much longer on Blaine?”
“Shouldn’t be long. He was at the register when I came out. We’re gonna have to drag Ed out of the chocolate place though,” Dial-Tone chuckled.
That brought a smile to Low-Light’s lips. “Call chocoholics anonymous.” He glanced over at the store. “Get what you needed Blaine?”
The Joe computer specialist nodded as he walked up. “Yup. They’ll even ship ‘em to the boys for me. Thad’s been wanting a Jerry Rice jersey for a while.”
“And if Thad gets one...” Dial-tone smiled.
“Jason gets one,” Mainframe finished. “But his is a Joe Montana.”
Cross-Country shivered as a wind gusted up from the bay. “Let’s go grab Ed and get tha’ coffee, huh?”
The men crossed the wharf and walked into the chocolate store. Lifeline was in the back, picking out some gift assortments. He glanced over his shoulder and smiled at the men. “Be a minute more. Just got to get something for Ginny.”
Cross-Country rolled his eyes. His daughter was a bad a chocolate fiend as her ‘Uncle’. “Don’t support her habit, Ed.”
The medic grinned. He pulled a small box of fudge truffles from the shelf and went to the front counter to pay for his selections. Dial-Tone elbowed Mainframe and whispered, “How much you wanna bet Ginny’ll never see it?”
Lifeline finished his transaction and took the bag from the salesclerk. “Thank you.” Turning to the others, he said, “Okay. Shall we?”
They stepped out into the cold air again, and Dial-Tone started at a good clip towards the liquid warmth he craved. As they stood in line for the coffee, Low-Light’s eyes roved the small seating area. There were lots of tourist types, a few people dressed more indicative of office workers on a late lunch break. One woman was staring at him, her fork halfway to her mouth. She noticed him looking at her, and quickly looked away, reddening slightly.
Low-Light shrugged it off and stepped forward to the counter to take his cup of steaming black coffee. The group made their way over to an empty table and sat to take a break and enjoy the coffee. As they passed, Low-Light noticed that the woman he caught staring at him was attempting to carry a conversation with her companion, but her eyes kept glancing to the Joes. He dropped into a seat with his back to her.
“So Blaine, where’s this place we’re going for dinner?” Cross-Country asked.
“Place called Dreama’s, back up town a bit,” Mainframe answered. At Dial-Tone’s raised eyebrow, he said quickly, “not a place like that. A friend of mine owns it. Has a small nightclub attached. Thought after dinner we could just hang around the bar and get a few drinks and dances before we head back to the Presidio.”
“Sounds good to me,” Dial-Tone commented, leaning back in his chair. “All work and no play makes this Jack one dull boy.”
“Who said you weren’t dull already?” Lifeline quipped.
Dial-Tone glared at Lifeline.
Low-Light’s mouth turned up in a slight one-sided smile at the banter that continued at the table between the friends. It had been a long time since they had the opportunity to just get out for a day, away from duty and slave drivers like Beachhead. When they had found out he was in command of the detail to San Francisco, there was much groaning among the ranks.
Finally Mainframe drained the last of his coffee and stood. “C’mon you guys. Let’s go hit some of the shops uptown. Dreama doesn’t open up ‘til five.”
Low-Light got up and glanced back over his shoulder. The table that had been occupied by the woman was empty.
* * * * *
“Sorry ma’am, but I’ll have t’ decline th’ invitation. I’m here strictly fer th’ beer.”
Dial-Tone grinned around the mouth of the Budweiser longneck he was nursing. Cross-County had turned down at least a dozen offers to dance since the men had moved to the nightclub portion of the building. Low-Light was working on his second beer, sitting with his chair tipped back up against the wall in the corner, well in the shadows.
Lifeline had disappeared off somewhere, Low-Light suspected outside for a moment to escape the thin haze of smoke that hung in the air. Mainframe was out on the dance floor with a lady he had struck up a conversation with earlier. That left Low-Light, Dial-Tone, and Cross-Country, who was staying ever loyal to his wife, holding down the table.
Dial-Tone was the first to notice the woman who was approaching their table. She walked with a noticeable limp and leaned heavily on a cane, but carried herself with confidence. His eyes swept over her, noticing the soft velvet dress of dark burgundy. The dress wasn’t tight, but sufficiently showed curves that were pleasing to his eye. Her copper colored hair swept up off her shoulders in a loose bun, a few tendrils hanging down. When she stopped at the edge of the table, she smiled, looking at Low-Light.
“Hello. I saw you just sitting here and was wondering if you’d like to dance?”
Dial-Tone put down his bottle and stood. “Sure, I’d love to.”
She glanced over at him, and flushed slightly. “I’m sorry, not you. I was asking him.”
Cross-Country nearly choked on his beer as the lady indicated Low-Light.
His chair came down with a thump. “You’re asking me?” he replied, a slight shock to his tone.
She flushed a deeper color and nodded. “Yes. Unless you’re not interested?”
“Uh, yeah… sure.” Low-Light got up and stepped behind the speechless Dial-Tone, who had dropped down into his seat, a defeated look on his face. Low-Light couldn’t resist. “Sorry Jack.”
He offered his arm to the woman, and she hooked her cane on the back of an empty chair. The pair made their way out onto the dance floor, still under the shocked stares of Cross-Country and Dial-Tone.
“I suppose I should introduce myself,” the woman said with a smile as she turned to face him. “I’m Karmae.”
Low-Light smiled slightly, as he hesitated where to place his hands. “Nice to meet you. I’m Mac.”
“You can put your arms around my waist, Mac. I don’t bite,” she said as she slipped her arms around his. “Is Mac short for something?”
He nodded. “I’m not too fond of my first name. My last name is MacBride, so my friends all call me Mac.” His arms came around her waist. Her touch stirred a feeling he hadn’t had in years, and it unnerved him. “Been a long time since I’ve done this.”
Karmae looked suspicious. “What haven’t you done in a long time? Gone out or danced with a woman?”
“Well, danced with a woman. I tag along with the guys out every so often.” He looked at her for a moment, at a loss for words as they swayed to the slow music. Finally, he asked, “What happened to your leg? If you don’t mind me asking,” he added hastily.
Karmae shrugged and glanced away from his gaze. “No, I don’t mind. It’s my hip, actually. Was in a car wreck a few years back and shattered my pelvis and hip joint. They weren’t sure I’d walk again, but I’ve proved them wrong.”
Lifeline came back in and rejoined Dial-Tone and Cross-Country at the table. “Where’s Mac?” he asked.
Cross-Country jerked his head towards the dance floor. “Take a look-see.”
“No way.” Lifeline’s mouth dropped open, then he began to grin. “Someone get a picture?”
Low-Light tried to put a mental finger on this feeling he was having... almost like a deja-vu as he and Karmae continued to dance and talk. When the DJ started some more upbeat music, she looked a little distressed. “Want to go sit for awhile?” he asked.
“That’s a good idea,” she replied over the din of the music. “I can’t quite keep up to the fast stuff yet. Want to go back to your table?”
Low-Light glanced over to see four- Mainframe and Lifeline were at the table again- Joes watching him. “No, let’s go over here.” He indicated a small table out of the direct blast of the speakers, hoping it would be quiet enough so that their conversation wasn’t conducted in shouts.
As they sat, he said, “I’m curious. Why did you want to dance with me?”
She didn’t hesitate. “Why not? I have been watching your table for a bit. One guy’s already dancing with someone, the one in the slouch hat is turning everyone away-“
“Yeah, he’s married.”
“The one with the mustache is way too eager, and the one with glasses keeps disappearing. You were the obvious choice.” She accepted a glass of water from a waitress. “Besides, I like blondes?”
He chuckled. “That’s quite a pick up line.”
She flushed and laughed lightly. “What can I say? Not every day I do this. First time actually. So, I guess we now turn the conversation to what we do for a living. Gotta know if you’re employed at least.”
He found her easy to talk to, which surprised him because usually he didn’t have much to say. He told her he was military, avoiding revealing his Joe status, posted at the Presidio until later this week when he returned to home base. He in turn discovered that she had lived in San Francisco for little under three years, moving out from the east coast. She was an office manager for an accounting firm in the city.
Low-Light ordered another beer, not because he was thirsty, but he needed something to keep his hands occupied while they talked. His eyes glanced over every so often to the friends he had abandoned, making mental notes to who he was going to have to seriously injure. Karmae looked over her shoulder at after one nasty glower was shot across the room.
“Careful, you’ll take someone’s eye out with that laser stare.”
“Huh?” Low-Light looked back at her and met her eyes, seeing the humor twinkling within. “Oh, sorry. They can be extremely annoying at times.” He emphasized “extremely”.
She laughed. “How long you all been together in the same unit?”
Low-Light had to think a few moments. “Little over six years now.”
“And they still get under your skin.”
He chuckled and grinned. “Good way to put it. Yeah, still. They’re a good bunch of men though. Extremely dedicated and hard working.”
She took another sip of water, her eyes watching the dance floor for a few minutes. The silence between the two was comfortable. Her eyes came back to him, studying his profile as he watched something in a dark corner with interest. He glanced back to her and caught her watching him.
He started to open his mouth to ask her what was so intriguing, but she beat him to the punch. “So, where you from originally? Being Army you must move around a bit.”
Low-Light decided to keep his question to himself and answered, “North Dakota.”
Karmae shifted in her seat, trying to find another position. Her hip was getting sore. “Ah. A Midwesterner. Let me guess. Small town, couldn't wait to turn eighteen and get out?”
Low-Light nodded, taking a swig. “Actually, took off at sixteen. Got tired of waiting.”
She nodded. “I was born in Toronto. Moved to the states when I was three and grew up in Ohio. But I went to school in New York before coming out here.”
“A college girl.”
Karmae let out an unlady-like snort. “Barely. I hated it. Once I found out why I was going to school, it became drudgery. And, I didn’t really fit in.”
He leaned back in his chair, fingering the label on his bottle. “So what brought you out here?”
Her answer was quick and simple. “Escape.”
He acknowledged just as simply. “Understand.”
“Do you?” her eyebrows were raised in question. “My father ran a company and hoped I would take over the business. Wasn’t happy when I told him no way. And yet, here I am, working in an office.” She shrugged. “It pays the bills. And it’s on my own terms. Not his.”
Low-Light took a sip of his beer and waited a moment before replying. “I know the feeling.” There was something niggling at the back of his mind; he still couldn’t put his finger on. It annoyed him, as much as- he shot a quick look to the table the other Joes were at- they did at this moment.
She looked out to the dance floor again. “It's a damn shame you're leaving in a few days... this place is a lot more fun on Friday nights. Hey, sounds like he's slowing it down again.”
“So I heard, but orders are orders.” He nodded out at the dance floor. “Would you like another dance?”
“Yes I would.” She stood up and waited for him to drink the remainder of his beer before coming around the table and offering his arm for her to use as support. He led her to a darker corner, away from the main crowd.
“So you don’t have to worry about getting bumped,” he explained.
“Thanks. I appreciate that.” She put her arms up around his neck this time, a gesture that felt comfortable, yet not. The position brought her closer to him physically, and he again encircled her waist, pulling her yet closer. Their bodies fit together like they were meant to dance.
Low-Light felt his palms start to moisten slightly, and a tremble within his gut. He had just met this woman named Karmae, and he was already reacting? He clamped down on the feelings. The last time he had felt like this it had turned disastrous.
She laid her head against his shoulder and murmured, “God, I love this song.”
Now that I’ve found you,
I don’t know how I lived without you,
I don’t know how I survived without your love...
Low-Light stiffened and froze as he realized where he had heard those words before.
“Mac?”
A bright flash of light crossed his vision and suddenly he was back, back in that small cramped living room of the safehouse, holding A.J. awkwardly in his arms as the danced just as awkwardly from her casted foot. She was laughing nervously at their attempt, as he fought to deal with the emotions boiling within himself. Emotions he had never dealt with before in such an undeniable potency. He was looking down at her face, turned up to his with a crooked grin on her lips, her loose bangs falling across her eyes. He reached up and gently brushed the chocolate brown hair away from her face, and her smile faded away as she saw the seriousness in his blue eyes. He held her brown ones in a steady gaze as he slowly dipped his head to kiss her, his lips brushing hers at first, then growing more demanding as they stopped moving to the music, concentrating only on the dance between their tongues. Low-Light tightened his arms around A.J., pulling her as close to his body as he physically could…
The door slammed open at that very instant, filling the air with gunfire, screams of terror and pain, the smell of blood. As he pushed A.J. down to the floor, his hands came away bloody, and he remembered screaming her name before his world went black when a hot lance of pain knifed through his chest.
Low-Light jerked away from Karmae, breaking the kiss that they were sharing. Her eyes popped open at the sudden movement, her face confused. She said something he didn’t comprehend, then was calling after him as he stumbled back and walked quickly for a side exit.
Lifeline had been quietly watching the couple from the table, sipping on a soda as he did. He was observing, noticing things that the others were not. He let the other men share their speculations and disbelieving comments without input from himself, it was unnecessary. He somehow knew, and it was confirmed when Low-Light kissed the woman, then bolted from the dance floor.
“What th’-?” The unfinished question had come from Cross-Country.
Dial-Tone was staring, his mouth open in disbelief. “He kissed her then just took off!” he managed.
She was standing alone now, her eyes on the exit, not sure what to do. Lifeline rose, and grabbed her cane. “I’ll handle it.”
He worked his way to her, and held out the cane. “I apologize for his behavior.”
She took it, and began to walk off the dance floor with him beside her. “No, no... I shouldn’t of...” She let the sentence trail off, then looked up at the medic. “I shouldn’t of pushed him.”
“Do you want to sit down for a moment?” Concern was on his face, as he noticed the unshed tears in her eyes.
“No. I think I just want to go home.” She paused a moment, and laid a hand on Lifeline’s arm. “I know I can trust you...” she removed a folded piece of paper from a pocket and handed it to him. “Give this to him when you see him again for me please?”
Lifeline took the paper and nodded. “I will.”
“Thank you.” With that, Karmae made her to the lobby and disappeared.
* * * * *
It took Low-Light a good bit of time to bring himself under control again. He had bummed a cigarette off of another man standing in the alley, and smoked for the first time since he was in high school. It didn’t help, it made him even more disgusted with himself that he had turned to a habit he had kicked a lifetime ago.
Grimly, he wondered what the others were saying; then again he didn’t give a damn. He was more upset with his behavior with Karmae. Yet he was dreading going back into the club and finding her still there. He wouldn’t blame her one bit if she decked him and walked away.
With a long breath, he decided to head back in and take his medicine. He had toyed with walking back to base, but it was too cold outside, and his jacket was still hanging on his chair.
Ducking back in the door, he melded with the shadows for a moment, scanning the nightclub. The guys were still at their table, but the was no sign of Karmae. On one hand he was relieved to find her gone, on the other, guilty. He started across the room, barely noticing the people or music.
...And I’ve run circles ‘round the sun
Chasing after you,
Oh, but it’s no use
Can’t you see that I’m going out of my mind
Trying to find a way to get through to you...
Lifeline intercepted him midway. “That wasn’t very nice, abandoning her like that.”
“Yah, well, can the lecture Ed. I already know I screwed up,” he growled.
His friend pressed his lips together, but didn’t retort. He merely held out his hand with a folded piece of paper in it.
“What’s this?” Low-Light asked, plucking it from his fingers.
Lifeline shrugged. “I didn’t look. That would be rude.”
Low-Light ignored the slight emphasis on “rude” and unfolded the paper to read the neat, flowing writing. It was an address.
“What is it?” Lifeline asked.
Low-Light shrugged. “Just an address. No name, no phone. Who gave it to you?”
“She did.”
Do I gotta get water from the moon?
Is that what I gotta do?
To make you love me,
Make you love me?
The words of the song being belted by Celine Dion slammed into him like a train going full bore down the tracks. His eyes widened and he paled slightly and his mind struggled to comprehend. Why hadn’t he seen it before?
“I’ve got to go.” The statement rushed out of him uncharacteristically shaky. “Tell Beachhead I won’t be back tonight... and to screw off if he doesn’t like it.”
Lifeline held out Low-Light’s jacket. “I figured as much.”
“You knew?”
“I suspected. Now I know. And Mac?” he said, grabbing Low-Light’s sleeve as he started to walk away.
He turned. “What?”
“The secret’s safe with me.”
Low-Light nodded, and shoved the paper into his jeans pocket.
And I try, and I try and I try...
Do I gotta get water from the moon?
Is that what I gotta do?
To make you love me,
Make you love me?
Almighty God... he had held her in his arms... he had kissed her.
A.J.
* * * * *
Karmae heard her door slam, and the footsteps taking the steps by twos. She was glad he was there so fast, leaving her door unlocked wasn’t a great idea, but then again, wishing he’d given her more time. Standing in the front window of her row-house flat, the only light was the glow of the Christmas tree in the corner of her living room. She tried to qualm the shaking she had felt since leaving the club. Was she doing the right thing? Giving away her true identity to someone she wasn’t sure how he felt about her?
But the energy had still been there when they touched, and intensified when Low-Light had kissed her out on the dance floor. She knew he was flashing back to the night she had “died” and his reaction solidified her resolve to let reveal herself.
Low-Light paused at the top of the stairs, still hidden in shadows. The connections were all there now. She had been the woman at the fish and chips shop. She’d overheard their plans. Came to the nightclub herself, asked him to dance. Asked him about information she already knew. She was silhouetted in the front window, her arms wrapped around herself, staring out at the cityscape view. He stepped forward to the back of the couch that divided them.
In a low, carefully controlled voice he said, “If you are who you say you are, what’s my real name?”
She turned slightly to look at him and took a deep breath. “Cooper. Cooper Gregory MacBride”
Anger rose to the surface, coloring his face. “Why did you do this? Are you playing with me? You think this is funny? Oh, sure. Let’s mess with Mac’s emotions. Bring back all the pain he’s been feeling for three f’ing years.”
“No. That’s not it.” Her voice was quiet, sad.
“You could of slipped me a note somehow, let me know that you were okay. I would of accepted that. I would of left you alone. You’re dead!” his voice remained even, despite the urge he felt to yell.
Her next words shattered the anger within him into a million shards that blinked away to nothingness. “So are you.”
“What?”
She turned to him fully now, and he caught a glimpse of the tears sparkling in the lights. “I didn’t want to go into witness protection. I wanted to stay with you, knowing that what did happen, could.” She wiped at her cheeks with her fingers. “When I woke up in the hospital at the relocation site, I demanded to talk to you. I wanted to go back, I fought to go back. They told me I couldn’t, why should I risk it when you’d been killed.”
“A.J...”
“Karmae. I’m Karmae Elizabeth Alexander, at least since three years ago. I never meant to hurt you Cooper.” She paused, and turned to gaze out the window again. “When I saw you at the pier, I nearly choked. I couldn’t just walk up to you and ‘say remember me?’ I thought to myself, ‘okay, he’s alive, and he looks good. That should be enough for you.’ But I saw something in your face... something... haunted.”
He had come around the couch now, and stood studying her profile as she spoke.
“I heard you all talk about the club, and I thought, I could go in there, and just watch. But then I needed to know more. So I asked you to dance, and...”
“A... Karmae. Look at me.”
She turned to face him. Her eyes searching his. “I’m sorry Cooper. They drilled it into my head never to tell anyone who I was. I lost all that weight, had appearance altering surgery... but when I saw you, I couldn’t... I couldn’t do it. I knew what was starting that night in the house.”
“I figured it out after I was told you were dead. I had fallen in love with you.” He tried looking away, but his eyes were drawn to her face. Once their eyes met, there was no turning back in Low-Light’s mind. Don’t do it Mac… just nod and say “I’m glad you’re alive.” Don’t do this Mac… His hand reached up to touch Karmae’s face. Don’t touch her… if you touch her… there’s no turning back…
Too late. His hand refused to listen to his brain. Gently he touched her cheek with his fingertips, as his mind continued to scream at him to walk away, not put her in jeopardy
His touch sent fire through her as no man’s touch had done before. She leaned her head so that her cheek was fully in his hand, closing her eyes and savoring the feel of his hand on her skin. Karmae held her breath in anticipation as Low-Light cupped her chin and tilted her face up to his, dipping his head to take her lips in a kiss.
Neither was prepared for the jolt of need and wanting that coursed through their veins. Any notion of being gentle in his kiss flew away and his mouth crushed to hers in a desperation she matched just as intently.
She whimpered in the back of her throat as the lightening quick heat rushed through her body. Low-Light wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer as he deepened their kiss. Karmae’s hand bunched the fabric of his jacket in her fists as she held on for her very life. Finally a necessity for oxygen caused them to break apart.
“Cooper,” she gasped, stepping away shakily and trying to regain her senses. “We can’t...”
“Karmae, please.” His words were whispered, ragged. Low-Light was a man who did not beg. But if he had to, to find a way to love her again, he would. The twist in his gut told him that much.
He watched the conflict wash across her features as she struggled with her desires and logic. Finally, she breathed, “One night, Cobra’s not going to take away what we could have had that one night...”
Low-Light didn’t remember moving. All he knew was the next moment he was in her arms, his jacket gone, and his lips to hers again. He pulled back for a moment to search her face. “You sure? I...” he swallowed. “I can walk away if you want.”
A single tear traced down her cheek. “Yes. No, don’t you dare walk out. Just this one night... to answer a question that I’ve lived with for over three years.”
“What question is that?”
She smiled softly. “What it would feel like to make love with you.”
Low-Light gently scooped her up and kissed her on the forehead. “Where’s your bedroom and we’ll find out together.“
She pointed to a half open door to his left. “Careful with my hip.”
As he headed that direction, he asked, “That wasn’t a car accident, was it?”
“No.” She shook her head. “It was a bullet.”
He didn’t answer as he maneuvered them through the door and set her on the edge her bed. He leaned down and kissed her, whispering, “We’ll be careful. You tell me if anything’s uncomfortable.”
She nodded, not trusting her voice. She reached up, and ran her fingers along his jaw, feeling the slight stubble that had grown during the day, and continued her hand down to rest on the top button of his shirt. Karmae began to unbutton his shirt, revealing his dog tags against his breastbone. When she finished, she slid her hands inside to feel the soft tickle of hair across her fingers and palms. She sighed happily. “You don’t know how many times I wanted to do this when we were together before...”
“I’m here now.” Low-Light felt the rush of liquid warmth run through his veins as he shrugged out of his shirt. He pulled Karmae to her feet, and reached around her to work the zipper of her dress down. He tugged it forward and let it puddle around her feet.
There was a small lamp on the dresser that gave her body a soft cast as he appreciatingly skimmed his hands down her body. She grasped his shoulders, fighting to stay upright as his touch sent jolts of energy through her nerves to her very being. “A.J...” he murmured as his lips caressed her throat.
Her mind was lost in a befuddlement of heat as her body responded to his demands. Clothes fell away and quickly they were on the blankets of the bed, yearning, touching, tasting, discovering. Her moans drove him to distraction as he worked magic upon her body, his need rising ever so fast, and her soft whispers of begging becoming increasingly louder and insistent. It was only minutes later Karmae cried out for him, grasping his hips and pulling him to her as she raised her hips to meet him. He dove deeply within, trying to bite back a yell of triumph; somehow in his passion-drunk state, he realized there were neighbors; but was unsuccessful.
He began to move in the rhythm that started the couple climbing higher and higher, pushing until they both teetered on the brink, then pulling back only to send them again to the edge. Finally, in a burst of white-hot energy, they tumbled head over heels over the edge and into the pool of sweet release.
Panting, Low-Light braced himself on his arms and looked down at Karmae’s flushed face. Her eyes were closed, head slightly tipped back, lips parted as her breathing came in shallow gasps. He wanted to memorize this beautiful picture beneath him, freeze it, and keep it with him forever. He leaned down and kissed her, then whispered, “We have a problem.”
Her eyes opened, cloudy with the passion they shared, and met his. She smiled up at him, wiping the tendrils of damp hair off his forehead. “Is that so? What’s that?”
“Tonight’s not going to be enough.”
She looked away, and heaved a sigh. “I... I know. We’ll have to come up with a way to make it plausible. But let’s worry about that later. Tonight,” she pulled him down to kiss him again and whispered against his lips, “I just want to make love to you until I can’t.”
He chuckled. “As ordered.”
* * * * *
Low-Light wasn’t sure what woke him, and he rolled over to check the clock on the nightstand. It’s was barely 6:30 am, when the sun was just beginning to light the sky outside her bedroom window. Karmae slept soundly in his arms, pressed snugly against him, as she had for the past several nights.
He lay back down against the pillow, and closed his eyes. He was thankful that Hawk had approved his last minute request for leave, he and Karmae had spent the days planning and plotting her re-entry into his life as this new person, and the nights discovering each other. Every night he had been too tired to dream, and the nightmares did not come.
He smiled as he caressed her hair and she sighed in her sleep, twisting on to her back. He gazed down at her face and smiled. This was the best Christmas present he had ever received, and he felt something, something he hadn’t felt for a very, very long time.
He felt like he belonged.
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